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in your canine jokes.
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DOG GLOSSARY
Please send
in your canine jokes.
Please make them printable
for family reading.
DOG GLOSSARY
LEASH - A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOGGY BED - Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
BEG - Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF - A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
DUMPSTER - A container
which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity.
You must stand on your hind
legs and try to push
the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with
margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of
bread.
BICYCLE - Two wheeled
exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get
maximum aerobic benefit, you
must hide behind a bush
and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person
then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away, smugly.
THUNDERSTORM -
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain
amazingly calm during
thunderstorms, so it
is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting,
rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
TRASH BASKET -
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers.
When you get bored, turn over
the basket and strew
the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
DUST COVERS - Are
to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to
run up and down the front of the sofa
and wipe your whiskers
clean.
BATH - This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
BUMP - The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
LOVE - Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
| EXCERPTS
FROM A DOG'S DIARY:
Day 180
Day 181
Day 182
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EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:
Day 183
Day 184
Day 185
Day 186
Day 187
Day 188
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"Budget Cuts Affect Everyone"
Submitted by Scott Katzenmeyer
A lady brought a litter
of golden retriever puppies to the veterinary clinic for inoculations and
worming. All the pups looked alike and were squirming all over and under
one another in their box. The vet realized it would be difficult to tell
the treated ones from the rest. So, he turned on the water faucet, wet
his fingers, and moistened each dog's head after he finished. After the
fourth puppy, he noticed his talkative client had grown silent. As he sprinkled
the last puppy's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, " I didn't
know they had to be baptized, too."
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| There was a young hunter
that wanted to show a seasoned hunting companion how wonderful his new
hunting dog was. So early in the morning of the duck season
opener, the young fellow, the old gent, the dog sat in the boat waiting
for the ducks to fly in. Minutes later in come the first round of
ducks, both of the guys shot, down came a bird; upon the direction of his
young owner the dog took off running across the top of the water, fetched
up the duck and ran back across the top of the water and jumped in the
boat and forfeited his retrieve. The young man waited awhile to get
compliments from the old hunter, nothing was said.
Again, another bunch of ducks came in. Same thing happened, the dog sent on the retrieve ran across the top of the water, fetched up the duck in record time and brought it back to his master; still the old geyser offered no words of praise. After this happened a third time, the kid finally got mad and said, “I’ve been waiting all morning to see what you think of my dog!!!” The only thing the old guy said was, “The mutt can’t swim, can he?”
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